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fryguy55 in Saint Paul, Minnesota

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Age / Gender:32 / Man
Location:Saint Paul, Minnesota
Body Type:Athletic
Hair ColorBrown
Eye ColorGreen
Marital StatusTell You Later



Happy 2010! It's the year of the ego, and I knew about it before you did. I unsurprisingly have to give my friend credit for this, but thank god they figured this out, or I might have continued to make witty self-depreciating remarks without realizing how incredibly unhip I was being. Now it's all about you talking like you're the coolest fcking person on earth and crushing people with your obvious superiority and reminding the world that you're the best fcking thing to happen to humanity since safe sex, and so on. Even though you're clearly not. Because I am. And you can't accuse me of being egotistical when I say sht like this, because I'm just fashionable like that. In fact, I'm so fcking fashionable it burns.So: next time your friend complains that she's fat or writes shty angsty poetry, etc., it's all like, "Self-effacement is so totally 2009. Get with it, you fcking fatass." Then remind her that you're the hottest fcking person on the planet, ever, and she could travel the world until the end of time and never find a better example of raw sex appeal. Because that's fcking cool.So when you're updating your profile list of favorite bands to reflect whatever pile of Sht Pitchfork Media is trying to shove down your throat, be sure to remove any self-deprecating comments from your profile. If you have phrases like "I'm such a dork" or "I look like " as captions for photos, they need to be replaced with "Jesus-fcking-christ-on-a-crumpet I almost cracked the mirror in this picture, because I'm so unbelievably fcking insanely gorgeous, jumping wet balls I want to rape myself until I bleed I'm so goddamn hot."Holy monkey-shting fartbiscuits, I'm such a ridiculously fcking brilliant human being, if I skull-fcked Stephen Hawking with a hypothetical penis I'd triple his IQ just by splattering his inferior brain with the DNA from my super-human-genius transcendental sperm. FUCK I AM SO AWESOME not to mention one trendy motherer. See, that's cool.


I need someone closer than 34342 miles away. Somewhere around Minneapolis/St. Paul, you know what I mean. I like hot steamy showers...want to join me?


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