The kink world is often met with shame and skepticism, but those don’t come with curiosity. If you’re looking to expand your sex life, exploring your kinks, also known as “unconventional sexual taste or behavior,” is a great place to start.
A 2021 study shows that, as many as 40 percent of Americans consider themselves to be kinky, and 36 percent said they now they have a specific kink. A lot of these interests or behaviors can fall under the umbrella of BDSM.
BDSM 101 Starts With a BDSM Dictionary
BDSM has its own culture with its own set of rules and language. Learning all of the BDSM specific terms is a great place to start your journey into BDSM. Being able to speak the language will help as your connect with others within the BDSM community and further your own BDSM specific pleasure.
What Does BDSM Stand For?
BDSM is an acronym that stands for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism. It includes a diverse range of consensual sexual and/or erotic activities and practices that involve various forms of power dynamics, role-playing, and often the use of physical restraints, psychological stimulation, and sometimes pain.
Participants in BDSM activities typically assume different roles, such as dominant (person in control) and submissive (person giving up control), and engage in activities that can include bondage (tying or restraining), discipline (punishment and rules), dominance and submission (power exchange), and sadism and masochism (deriving pleasure from giving or receiving pain).
Most importantly, the emphasis is on consent, safety, and communication between all parties involved. Participants establish clear boundaries, use safe words, and prioritize each other’s well-being. While BDSM can involve elements of pain, dominance, and submission, it is distinctly different from abuse, which involves non-consensual and harmful behavior. This is the ultimate list of BDSM terms defined.
1. Bondage And Discipline
Bondage and discipline involve consensual power exchange, restraint, and control between participants. Bondage typically uses restraints, such as ropes, cuffs, or chains, to restrict a person’s movement. It can be as simple as tying someone’s hands together or as elaborate as intricate rope patterns like shibari, the art of Japanese rope bondage. The act of bondage can evoke feelings of vulnerability, helplessness, or excitement, depending on the participants’ preferences.
Discipline refers to the practice of setting and enforcing rules, boundaries, and punishments within a BDSM context. This can include verbal or physical punishments, role-playing scenarios, or other forms of correction. The aim is often to establish a power dynamic where one person (the “dominant” or “top”) takes on a controlling role, while the other (the “submissive” or “bottom”) willingly submits to the rules and consequences.
2. Domination And Submission (Dom/Sub)
While aspects of each core element of BDSM crossover, they’re equally as defined. Domination and submission is about consensual power exchange and role-playing dynamics. Participants in a D/s relationship or scene agree to take on specific roles where one person assumes the dominant role, while the other takes on the submissive role. These roles involve various levels of control, authority, and responsibility, and they are defined and negotiated based on the preferences, desires and boundaries of the participants.
Domination includes giving instructions, setting rules and boundaries for the submissive partner, and directing the submissive’s actions. The dominant partner may also engage in activities that the submissive finds pleasurable or arousing, in accordance with negotiated limits.
The submissive willingly relinquishes control and authority to the dominant partner. Submissives may follow instructions, adhere to rules, and engage in various acts or behaviors as directed by the dominant. The submissive may find pleasure, satisfaction, or a sense of fulfillment in their role, often deriving enjoyment from the act of surrendering control and serving the dominant partner’s desires.
3. Sadism And Masochism
Sadism and masochism still has a bit of crossover but describe specific aspects of consensual power dynamics and sensation play.
What is Sadism?
Sadism represents pleasure derived from inflicting physical or psychological pain, discomfort, or humiliation upon another person. A person who takes pleasure in causing this pain is referred to as a “sadist,” and they may engage in activities like spanking, flogging, whipping, role-playing, or other inflicting varying levels of discomfort or pain upon a willing partner.
What is Masochism?
Masochism is the opposite or the enjoyment or arousal derived from receiving physical or psychological pain, discomfort, or humiliation. A “masochist” would be the person who likes receiving pain from the sadist. They often seek out partners who are willing to provide the sensations they desire within negotiated boundaries and consent.
The BDSM Glossary
Aftercare – An essential aspect of responsible and ethical BDSM practice, aftercare is care focused on the emotional and physical well-being of all participants involved. The aim is to ensure all parties experience a smooth transition from the intense experiences of a session back to a state of comfort, connection, and emotional stability.
Bottom – A bottom is the person in the submissive role or the receiver.
Consent – Consent is the voluntary, informed, enthusiastic, and ongoing agreement between all parties involved in a BDSM activity or relationship.
Dom – A dom is the person who takes the dominant role in a BDSM scene.
Drop – A drop is the physical or emotional exhaustion that can take place after a BDSM session. It can look like physically shaking, feeling sad or crying.
Dungeon – Dungeon refers to where a BDSM session takes place and is typically someone’s home or a club.
Fetish – Fetish refers to a strong and specific sexual interest or fixation on a particular object, material, body part, scenario, or activity that is not typically associated with sexual arousal for most people.
Hard Limits – A hard limit is something that is a hard no for a person involved in a BDSM session. It’s negotiated or communicated beforehand.
Munch – A munch is an informal opportunity like a meet up or party, often at a public place, where people interested in BDSM can mingle.
Play Party – A social gathering where attendees can participate in BDSM activities.
Protocol – A rule or set of rules BDSM participants agree to.
Role Play – Role play describes when one or more participants take on a different identity in a BDSM session. This can include student-teacher, pet-owner or doctor-patient scenarios.
Safe Word – A safe word is a predetermined word or phrase that participants use to to stop the activity or session immediately.
Slave – A slave is a person who gives up complete control of one or more parts of their life to a master.
Sub – Short for submissive, a sub is a person who willingly consents to give up control to a dominant partner or partners during BDSM activities.
Switch – A switch is a person who can be in the top or bottom role during BDSM sessions.
Top – A top is the person who performs or gives.
24-7 – 24-7 refers to the circumstance where someone agrees to participate in a form of BDSM at all times around the clock. It requires a significant level of dependency between participants.
Vanilla – This is a descriptor used by the BDSM community to describe those that don’t participate in kink.
Make Sure Partner(s) Know BDSM Terms
This BDSM glossary is a perfect segue to talk to your partner about their comfort with different BDSM practices. Together, you can go through this BDSM guide, get educated on the terms and figure out what that looks like for each of you from there. Whether it’s watching BDSM porn together or doing more research on different types of play, you’ll have a great starting point to ensure your partner knows all of the necessary BDSM phrases.
Final Thoughts on the BDSM Dictionary
Wherever you are in your sexual journey, education and learning all of the BDSM phrases is important. This BDSM 101 is the baseline of BDSM terms you need to start your exploration of Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism and share with partners that may be interested in participating in BDSM practices with you.
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