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How To Start A Conversation On A Dating App

By: Cameron Willimson , August 21, 2023
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How To Start A Conversation On A Dating App

“What’s up,” “hi,” and “hey” have to be some of the most simple-minded, thoughtless introductions when you match with someone on a dating app. We know first impressions are important, but so is being yourself. What about these generic exchanges set the stage for a real conversation with a real person on the other side of this message window?


Absolutely nothing. 


In the digital age, dating apps have become increasingly popular as a means of connecting with potential partners. However, the challenge lies in starting engaging conversations that capture the attention and interest of other daters on the app. This guide aims to equip you with effective ways to start conversations on dating apps, ensuring you make a lasting impression and increase your chances of building meaningful connections.

The Conversation Starts With Your Dating App Bio

The best place to figure out how to start a conversation on a dating app is yourself – your bio! A lot of people tend to craft their dating bio based on what they think will impress people of their desired sex swiping through profile after profile. Whether you’re looking for something serious or just a hookup, do you want to build something based on trying to impress someone else the entire time? 


Shift the mindset here. Your bio should be created to show a reflection of yourself and how you ideally want to show up in whatever connection it is you’re looking for. How do you want to spend time? What do you want to talk about? You can steer the connection and the conversation simply by how you create your bio. 


Do you want someone to get nice dinners with? Include something that visually represents that in your profile. Do you want to casually hook up? Maybe bathroom or bedroom selfies are all that’s necessary.

Put A Prompt In Your Dating App Profile

An easy way to passively start a conversation on a dating app is to put something in your profile that will cause someone to start a conversation specifically to engage with that thing, like an Easter egg. 


This can be something in your pictures or bio that maybe only someone that shares a specific or niche interest of yours might pick up on. It can be a quote from a random movie, a t-shirt from a band or even a book in a picture with you. Bear in mind, these things should actually be important to you and it can be an easy point for someone to connect with you on. 


You can also write in your bio for other users to ask you about something. It can be a hot take, unpopular opinion or maybe a random special talent. It should be something you like to talk about or feel passionately about and it should not be problematic or something that will obviously offend your intended audience. An example of this could be something like, “Ask me how I think The Sopranos ended.”

How To Message Someone First

Now that you’ve set your bio up to passively bring conversations to you, it’s time to go out there and actively pursue people you want. The best way to message someone first on an app is a compliment and question combo, however, what you’re complimenting and how you ask are the key.



Keep in mind, this is a total stranger. Try not to choose the most obvious physical trait about them because it’s guaranteed that 90% of their messages will start there. You want to stand out from the rest! Read and take a look at the photos in the profile. A compliment can be about something they wrote, an activity they’re doing in their photos or maybe something they’re wearing or in the background of their pics. 


Look for common interests, hobbies, or experiences that you can use as conversation starters. Discussing shared passions allows for a deeper connection and paves the way for engaging discussions. It helps to establish a sense of familiarity and understanding early on.


Try to get to know someone without it feeling like a job interview. Asking someone to tell them about themselves or rattle off a bullet point list about themself is precisely what makes dating apps annoying. Treat it like you’d treat a conversation in person. 


Some examples are, “I read that book. I really liked it. Have you read this other book?” Or, “I like that song in your profile. This is where I heard it first. They remind me of this other band. Have you heard of them?”


Show genuine interest. People want to feel seen so complimenting their taste and asking an open-ended question about it is a very personal, custom first message on a dating app. Demonstrate that you have taken the time to read the person’s profile. What you ask and sharing what you like or see allows them to see what you’re interested in too.

What To Keep In Mind When Starting Every Conversation On A Dating App

Everyone is different, so as you chat person to person, there are some general rules to keep in mind as you’re navigating different exchanges across different apps with different people. 


Be Positive And Enthusiastic

Maintain a positive and enthusiastic tone in your conversations. Positivity is contagious and can create a welcoming environment. Show your enthusiasm for the conversation and the opportunity to connect. Avoid negative or cynical remarks, especially about dating or bashing your desired sex, that may discourage further engagement.

Avoid Generic Or Boring Topics

Steer clear of mundane topics that offer limited room for discussion, such as the weather or daily routines. You don’t need to know how their morning was at this point. They’re a stranger.  Instead, opt for more interesting subjects like travel experiences, favorite books or movies, or unique hobbies. These topics provide opportunities for engaging conversations and discovering shared interests. This can also give clues of what you can do in person, what dates could look like and how to spend time together. 

Be Respectful And Mindful Of Boundaries

Respect is paramount in conversations on dating apps. Be mindful of personal boundaries and avoid crossing any lines. If someone indicates discomfort or disinterest, gracefully shift the conversation or gracefully exit it. Consent and mutual respect should always be a priority. There’s no reason to force someone to talk to you that may not want to talk. Bickering with complete strangers is not why you’re spending time on the app. 

Conversely, if someone makes you uncomfortable or crosses a line in their communication to you, you should take the opportunity to let them know and let them know how you’d like to proceed. This can look like, “I’m not comfortable talking about this specific topic with you right now, but I might be in the future or in person once we know each other better.” 

Keep The Conversation Balanced

Strive for balanced conversations by sharing information about yourself while also showing a genuine interest in the other person. Avoid dominating the conversation or making it solely about yourself. Creating a balanced dialogue allows you to get to know each other.

Final thoughts

Initiating conversations on dating apps can be both exciting and challenging. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or every exchange with each person. Treat it like practicing getting to know people online until you find someone you want to take it offline with. By trying out the different ways outlined in this guide, you can enhance your chances of starting engaging and meaningful conversations. Remember to be genuine, respectful, and curious about the other person. Each interaction is an opportunity to build a reciprocal connection with someone, whatever it is your looking for. 

Sign up for fling.com and try new ways to talk to all different kinds of people.

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