Men get off the majority of the time they have sex with women. Whereas, women do not. In fact, a survey from Beducated says men are nearly twice as likely to orgasm regularly during straight sex than women at 85% to 46%, respectively. This is what is referred to as the orgasm gap.
Yep, the orgasm gap exists
Despite the amount of sex men and women are having with each other, this is where the greatest disparity in orgasms exists.
Men are climaxing substantially more than women during heterosexual sex. Realistically, we can’t expect men’s and women’s sexual experiences to be identical because biological differences in our bodies, arousal patterns and the duration of sexual response cycles between men and women play a role. Yet, there are plenty of other issues that can be addressed to shrink the gap, and it’s much easier to make changes to benefit women’s rate of orgasming than we like to think.
Women have felt such pressure to act like their partners pleasuring them that nearly 23% have gone as far as to fake orgasms which ultimately leads to men believing they’re satisfied. 👀
Honesty and better communication from both parties can change this disparity.
What is the orgasm gap, by definition
The orgasm gap, also known as the pleasure gap, is the disparity in sexual satisfaction between heterosexual men and women, specifically in terms of the distinct difference in frequency of achieving orgasm during sexual encounters.
Generally, men are getting off alarmingly more often than women when they have sex with each other. And, that starts from the very first sexual encounter with a new partner. A study from 2022 said 55% of men say they usually orgasm the first time they have sex with women while merely 4% of women typically do.
Additionally, women are more likely to orgasm during sex with a committed partner rather than in a casual relationship. Only about half of woman orgasm with casual partners, and they’re most likely to orgasm alone. For everyone’s sake, we need to change this.
So, what contributes to this ‘orgasm gap’?
Dismissively, we largely put the existence of the orgasm gap on women simply not having the sex drive men do, and that could not be further from the truth. This alone undermines the wide range of sexual desires women have. But, there are other misconceptions and overlooked realities that thwart the progress towards more women orgasming more frequently with their partners, like:
- Biological differences
- The g-spot is the only spot and an orgasm is the marker of pleasure
- Lasting long in bed is the only way to please her
- If it worked once, it’ll always work
- Ignoring the impact of socialization around sex
Myth 1: It has to do with their biology
Some misconceptions attribute the orgasm gap solely to biological differences, assuming that women are inherently less sexual or have more complex arousal mechanisms than men. Yet, when it comes to masturbation, everyone is getting their rocks off. The Beducated report also shows that the orgasm gap disappears during self service with 88% of men and 86% of women orgasming. It appears nothing about women’s biology is dysfunctional when they’re on a solo mission to climax.
Myth 2: The g-spot is the only spot
When we think of sex, it often boils down to purely penetrative sex, and for women’s body’s a route to pleasure includes much more than just a penis going in and out of a vagina and finding the g-spot. The g-spot is not the rainbow leading to the pot of gold it’s portrayed to be.
Further, there’s so many pleasurable options when it comes to sex that can support the build up to women climaxing. Foreplay is crucial. Attention to the erogenous zones, knowing your way around the clit, fingering and eating pussy are minor foundational parts to closing the gap, and lots of women have other specific desires that once fulfilled can make cumming a more regular occurrence.
Myth 3: Marathon sex is better sex
With sex, we often conflate bigger and more as better and that is simply not the case. It’s not a marathon or a sprint. It’s much more about working smarter than harder. Fucking for an hour isn’t anything to brag about if she’s not enjoying herself.
The focus should be on performance and aligning what feels good for both of you, which requires an awareness from each of you, listening and reading body language and communication. Nothing of which has anything to do with lasting as long as possible.
While it shouldn’t be the focus, a 2020 study said the average time for women to achieve an orgasm is thirteen and half minutes. Ultimately, taking your time to focus on pleasure will inch each of you closer to her regularly orgasming.
Myth 4: If it worked once, it’ll work again
Sure, it’s great to find what works but nothing can kill the vibes like a monotonous sex routine. Sex and pleasure should be approached like an ever evolving part of your relationship, no matter the status. And, women’s bodies change and fluctuate throughout their cycle. Something that works this week might not work in two. However, you can build off of what you know and continually make small adjustments to keep things interesting, learn new things and have more fun!
Myth 5: The way women are socialized doesn’t contribute to the orgasm gap
Overlooking the impact of societal expectations and gender norms on sexual behavior contributes to the orgasm gap, as cultural factors often shape individuals’ attitudes towards sex and influence their ability to communicate openly about desires. Women are typically shamed for pursuing desires and owning their sexuality. Being conditioned that men should lead or pursue requires constant unlearning from both sides.
How men can help close the orgasm gap
Closing the orgasm gap requires a collective effort from both partners, but men play a crucial role in fostering the right environment to work on this together. Establishing trust, openness and taking initiative can help lead to better communication and better sexual experiences together.
Have open communication about orgasms
Communication is key—men can actively engage in open and honest conversations with their partners about desires, preferences, and boundaries. By prioritizing mutual satisfaction and investing time in exploring each other’s bodies, men can contribute to a more fulfilling sexual connection.
Communication is a two way street. Being vulnerable and sharing has to come along with being curious and listening. Make a routine of talking about what feels good as well as sexual things or acts that peak your interest, desires and fantasies. Even if you’re not trying all of them, having the space to talk about them judgment free is important.
Don’t add any unnecessary pressure
Empathy is another essential element; understanding that women may have different arousal patterns and needs helps create an environment where both partners feel comfortable expressing their desires. Putting too much emphasis or pressure on the orgasm alone will make climaxing more challenging. Focus on connecting, what feels good and openness. Effort and care will set a good foundation to get there.
Experiment with different techniques
Men can prioritize foreplay, focusing on the varied erogenous zones of their partners, and consider incorporating different sexual activities to enhance overall pleasure. Being attuned to their partner’s responses and adjusting their approach accordingly can significantly contribute to narrowing the orgasm gap and promoting a more satisfying sexual experience for both individuals involved.
You can actually try new things like incorporating toys, new positions, attending a sex party or arranging a threesome, or you can take the less physical route like watching porn together, listening or reading erotica, or adding time spent with a cam girl together to the mix. Figure out what works best for both of your bodies and take it from there.
Orgasm can be a moving target
Ultimately, closing a gap this large won’t be a quick fix, but continually trying to have and give better sex with the common goal of satisfaction for all can help close the orgasm gap. And, what could be more fun than trying to give more pleasure?! Keep it fresh outside the bedroom, during foreplay and after sex to build better sexual relationships and have more orgasms.
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