Why Do Women Fake Orgasms? The Top 3 Reasons

The pleasure gap isn’t a new discovery. Even though it didn’t have the official name of “the orgasm gap” until the ‘90s, we’ve known about this discrepancy in pleasure between the sexes since at least the ‘70s. Seemingly, men are not exactly getting it right in the bedroom, but women haven’t completely figured out how to tell them. So, why do women fake orgasms?

Being that the orgasm gap disappears when people are masturbating, the reason women are faking orgasms comes down to the fact that they aren’t regularly. But, it’s not their biology or body parts, and they don’t enjoy sex less. It comes down to communication.

In this article you’ll find out why women are faking it and the roadblocks in the way of this important communication. If she’s having real orgasms, there will be no reason to fake them, so we can help with solutions to these roadblocks too.

How many women fake orgasms at some point?

Do most women fake orgasms? The numbers tell us 58% of women said they had to fake orgasms. This is three times the amount of men that have faked an orgasm. While this is still a lot, at the turn of the century, up to 80% of women said they’d faked an orgasm before.

What percentage of women fake orgasms now?

As of 2019, studies show 67% of women who have faked an orgasm said they wouldn’t do it again. Their cited reasons include they were more comfortable with sex, with their own identity as a woman, and a feeling of contentment and acceptance from their partner regardless of whether they had an orgasm or not. Perhaps, also, they recognized by pretending their orgasming, their partner has a false sense of security in them being satisfied which would make any improvements or getting closer to alignment on what worked unnecessary.

All different factors play into why women fake orgasms. Relationship status is one of them. As many as 60% of women in a new or long-term relationship reported faking an orgasm, while only 40% did so after getting married or with a one night stand. It seems like they’re faking less when there’s security or less to lose.

And how often do women fake orgasms?

Although some studies say that the majority of women have faked an orgasm at least once in their entire life, it doesn’t mean that they are making a routine of it.

Before you get too far in your head about your performance or being misled, 66% of women said they never or rarely fake it. However, you should be more concerned about how effectively you and your partner(s) are communicating about sex or if they feel safe enough to tell you what they need in bed… and then you wouldn’t need to worry if or how often it’s happened.

Is a fake orgasm the sign of a rocky relationship?

No, a fake orgasm here or there isn’t necessarily signs of a rocky relationship, yet it can be an opportunity to check-in about communication, wants and needs, especially as they pertain to your sex life.

It’s really about establishing comfort in talking about what each other’s desires are and what gets her off in a safe environment without the fear of hurt feelings and bruised egos. You may come to find out it has nothing to do with you, but you also may learn there are things you could change, both in terms of communication and in the sack. However, it could also be outside, controllable factors which we’ll talk about later.

You just need to talk about it.

So why do women fake orgasms? Top 3 reasons are…

The primary reason women fake orgasm isn’t what you think!

Women fake orgasms for a variety of physical, social and even environmental reasons. Some are very obvious, while others you may not have any clue how much influence it has on the outcome or her cumming. Ultimately, they’re faking them because they aren’t happening. So, these are the top three reasons women fake orgasms:

Their partner’s breath is the primary reason women fake orgasms.
The sexual position is the second reason women fake orgasms.
The temperature of the room is the third most common reason women fake an orgasm.

And, all of these are twofold. Each reason causes the woman to want sex to be over with faster on account of their partner’s breath, the sexual position or the temperature of the room, so they’re faking it to try to get you to finish sooner.

1. Their partner’s breath

Your breath is a completely fixable problem. Realistically, it shouldn’t be that big of a problem, yet 40% of women said they were faking orgasms because their partner’s breath was so bad they wanted the sex to be over and done with.

Expert tip: An effective way to combat bad breath is to prioritize good oral hygiene practices. Daily brushing and flossing help remove plaque and bacteria that can contribute to unpleasant odors from the mouth. Additionally, remember to clean your tongue, as it can harbor bacteria responsible for bad breath. You should also stay hydrated throughout the day to promote saliva production, as saliva helps wash away bacteria and food particles, and be mindful of what you eat before going to hook up.

2. The sexual position(s) they’re in

32.3% of survey respondents say this is why they have faked an orgasm. We know it’s easy to stick to a routine, especially if it feels good for you. However, using the same three positions all the time can be monotonous, and it may not even be the position that works best for her, especially since not all women orgasm from penetrative sex. This is why it’s the second most common reason women fake orgasms.

Expert Tip: According to the Innerbody survey, the best positions to achieve orgasms are doggy style, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, eating her pussy, spooning, 69ing, and manual stimulation, in that order. Further, when it comes to penetrative sex, for those women that don’t typically orgasm from that alone, clitoral stimulation is the way to go. However, don’t just try bedroom acrobatics to hit them all. Talk to her about it. Find out which ones she likes best, what feels good about them and try variations from there.

3. Room temperature

The last one is a big shocker. One of the top reasons women are faking orgasms is the room temperature isn’t right and they want the sex to be over, according to 31.5% of respondents. With arousal, the skin’s blood circulation will increase so the skin becomes warmer and might look flushed. Having the room temp work against that natural response will also get in the way of her reaching climax.

Expert tip: In addition to simply turning the thermostat up or getting cozy under the blankets, wearing socks can combat cold feet for those that run cold. This is also an opportunity to give her a sensual foot massage to warm up her feet as part of foreplay!

Do women fake orgasms for other reasons? Yes!

There are a variety of other reasons women fake orgasms. Some are psychological and possibly more challenging to overcome whereas others are easy to alleviate.

Wanting to sexually satisfy their partner. If her partner says how much he likes pleasing her, she may fake it in order to satisfy him.
Wanting to protect their partner’s ego. If her partner has a hard time taking directions or constructive criticism, she may be prioritizing his ego rather than her pleasure. 21% of women would prefer to fake it than hurt their partner’s feelings.
Not knowing what gets them off with a partner. As women are socialized to be pursued and shamed when pursuing their own pleasure, she may not yet have any understanding about what gets her off, particularly with a partner. She may feel shame in pursuing that with someone.
Lighting. Another unexpected environmental factor is lighting, according to 31% of survey respondents. Part of the body physically feeling good and being aroused is also mentally feeling good. This includes confidence and the freedom to pursue pleasure. If there’s harsh lights highlighting any of her insecurities for her, she may not be able to relax enough to orgasm. Dim those lights and make it sexy.
Not enough lubrication. Another easy fix, but not speaking up can get in the way of keeping things wet. Be generous and check in with each other.
Overthinking. Overthinking about everything but or simply the orgasm itself can get in the way of the body relaxing and climaxing. Worrying about how she looks, if her partner feels good, if she’s sweating or anything else but how to receive pleasure is simply in the way.
Didn’t want to explain why they didn’t orgasm. Almost 10% of women simply don’t want to have the conversation. Whether they’re blaming themselves or dissatisfied with their partner’s performance, they are faking it to avoid talking about it.

The relationship itself. While it’s not always the case, if your partner doesn’t minimally feel safe with you sexually, there’s no way she’s getting off. If she’s scared to disappoint you, she might fake her orgasms just to avoid confrontation. This is a sign there is trouble within the relationship. Rectifying these issues between you should be prioritized well before you address whether the orgasms are fake or not.

How to bring up fake orgasms with her

First and foremost, a conversation about fake orgasms is not one for the bedroom. And, you don’t need to initiate the conversation with an accusation or even a question about whether or not she’s been faking orgasms. The intention should be to have a conversation to establish a safe environment to talk about pleasure for each of you and to ensure you both have the space to talk about desires and what feels good.

Lead with openness and honesty. Start the conversation by emphasizing the importance of open communication in your relationship. Let your partner know that you value honesty and transparency, and that the intention is to strengthen your connection.
Express concern, not blame. Focus on your feelings rather than placing blame and use “I” statements. For example, “I’m concerned about whether you’re being pleased enough in bed. I want to hear about how you feel about it.” Do not be accusatory.
Ask open-ended questions. Encourage your partner to share their perspective by asking open-ended questions. For instance, inquire about their feelings, desires, and any concerns they might have regarding your intimate life. You can ask if they feel satisfied and if there’s anything that could be more satisfying. Your curiosity and active listening can go a long way.
Avoid judgment. Refrain from passing judgment on your partner’s actions and words. Instead, try to understand the reasons behind their choices. There may be underlying issues or concerns that need addressing. And, they simply may not be ready to talk about it. Extend them grace and try not to take this personally. Leave the door open for them.
Explore solutions together. Approach the conversation with a collaborative mindset. Discuss potential solutions or changes that could improve your intimate connection. This could involve trying new things, seeking professional advice, or simply being more open about your desires.

Reinforce the relationship and reaffirm support. End the conversation on a positive note, emphasizing that you care and your alignment in the relationship. Reassure your partner that the goal is to strengthen your connection and enhance the intimacy in your relationship.

Women faking orgasms isn’t always someone’s fault

Women faking an orgasm doesn’t not mean that there is someone to blame, but it is an opportunity for communication, improvement and better sex to be had.

Be secure enough in yourself to know it may not be about you or your fault, but it also could be, so the best route to take is check in with your partner. And, if you’re really looking to leave less opportunities for her to fake orgasms, you can always spice up your sex life and explore how to use sex toys together.

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Why Do Women Fake Orgasms? Data On Top 3 Reasons